I just read an interesting article about how religionists misuse science in their campaign against marriage equality. The author, John Horgan, does a good job of laying out where his own writings have been badly misused by people who are against the so-called “homosexual agenda.”

In reading this article, what struck me most was Horgan’s repetition of a very tired joke that I see in many articles on marriage equality: “Why shouldn’t gay couples share the misery of us straights?”

Why would the LGBT community be fighting for the right to be miserable?

Certainly, equal legal rights lie at the core of the desire for marriage equality. Yet when I hear homosexual couples talk about marriage, they talk about love, commitment, and recognition of their spiritual union. As far as I can tell, most gay and lesbian couples want to marry because they love their partners.

I’ve been married for 28 years, as of last May. It’s been a fun, challenging, wild, crazy road. I won’t deny that Maria and I have had a few rough spots – any two people will have their disagreements and stress points. Yet we are still a team, albeit a rather odd one. Maria is the kindness and gentleness; I am the ranting crusader on many Quixotic missions; she sees the world through different eyes that compliment my own vision. We are not the same. But we are partners, through hell and heaven, because we love each other, because we care about each other’s happiness. Our marriage symbolizes that relationship, for us.

When I think of marriage, “misery” is not a word that comes to mind. I suspect most gay and lesbian couples aren’t looking for misery, either.

Is marriage required for commitment and love? Of course not! Several friends of mine are in committed relationships without “the paperwork.” From a legal standpoint, the “paperwork” provides certain rights and privileges, but those have nothing to do with love.

I know many gay and lesbian couples who’ve been in long-term, committed relationships. Like heterosexuals, homosexual couples run the gamut from saccharine adoration to constant cat fights – which is no surprise, since we’re all human. Marriage is no panacea; it does not guarantee that love is eternal, nor does it require misery. Marriage is what couples make of it.

So please, please, quit with the “marriage is misery” joke. It’s very old and tired, and needs a rest.

All human beings – gay, lesbian, Christian, pagan, atheist, of all ethnicities – should be given the same right to determine the meaning of marriage for themselves.